i permit you to call me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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