i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
