Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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