Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
