we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
