i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
