I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
