i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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