I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The air taste purple.
Randomize
