my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
