P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
