This is not my ceiling
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
