OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
