If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
