I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
