the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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