Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
