The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
