omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
