i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
