There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you never un-have a 4some
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
