Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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