she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
