Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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