I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
