I just made out with a guy for $7.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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