it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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