Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
