Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
