i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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