you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Damn victory sex feels great
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
