i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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