Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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