so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
