why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
