The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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