i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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