Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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