I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Couch. On fire.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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