i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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