Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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