kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
