Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
