I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
