We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We have started to decorate penises.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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