I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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