You're my little dorito
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
