So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
