gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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