She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just got carded by a ten year old.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
