Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm really busy with my period
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
